Ummm

Called out right at bath/bedtime for the kids tonight - three hours out in the sub-freezing cold dealing with what ended up not being a bomb, all because some guy has anger management issues.

I really hope this isn't a portent for the week to come.

just saw Sherlock Holmes - absolutely delightful! Now out on a date night with my lovely wife :)

Merry Christmas

No snark, pithy stories or humorous quips today.

Simply wanted to take a moment to wish a Merry Christmas to everyone out there who observes the same. May your day be joyous and time be spent with those you love.

Bath songs of a four year old...

Sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques/Are You Sleeping Brother John" and presented EXACTLY as sung:

"Where's my penis, where's my penis?
Here I am, here I am.
Chicka-chicka-boom-boom, chicka-chicka-boom-boom.
La la la, la la la."

To say his mother and I were near speechless with laughter is an understatement...

A note from your friendly, neighborhood bomb squad

So, in tonight's public service message:

- Should it be the holiday season...

- And should you not only send a package to the completely wrong address, but use a box which still has the labels on it from the various hazardous chemicals it originally contained...

- Furthermore, should it contain some electronics and such, of a sort that tend to make bomb techs a wee bit suspicious...

You will as a result attract the attention of your local police and fire agencies to a house, whereupon said bomb techs will gleeful blow said package up, sending Christmas presents of various forms and pieces all about the yard.

Oops.

Roads are 98% clear and people are still displaying a stunning inability to drive. I'm starting to think it is a chronic condition in this state.

Tactical junk question

So, looks like the Brits have chosen a new camo pattern...

Nice. But is it just me, or does their "rapidly researched and produced pattern" look EXACTLY like the Crye Multicam pattern that some of us have been using for a number of years now?

Just curious.

Working conditions

We've been experiencing a bit of disgruntlement at work lately amongst the rank and file... Some of it is economy-based (no raises, cuts in training budgets etc due to lack of funds), but honestly IMHO most of it is stupidity-based. A few officers have done some tragically, even criminally stupid stuff recently, the department has had to make some blanket changes and policies to address them, and folks aren't seeing the big picture. I've done what I can to share my thoughts with coworkers, but a lot of it will just take time and perspective. No place is perfect, but honestly a LOT of agencies have it much worse than us.

For example, take the Philadelphia Police Department. They've spent the past six months working without a contract, due to union negotiations, and have finally got one in place. Which puts them under conditions I can't even imagine.

Sure, they keep their healthcare. No raises this year, but they get small ones the next two. A few other provisions for both sides. But here's the big one:

The city & department have the ability at will to furlough any officer, without reason, for 30 days a year. No pay, no pension contributions or any of that, and no justification - just because they want to save some money, and here's a way to do it. Never mind the effect on public safety, officer safety, or morale.

Imagine at YOUR job if tomorrow your boss could say "Oh, by the way, you're off all of January, have fun and hope those bills aren't too much for you." Imagine how most people would react if a company had that policy. But somehow it is acceptable here.

Yet another of the many reasons you will never see me working under a union system.

Friday is here!

A long academy week is over - they did well, but I'm exhausted. A full day of yelling during tactical drills & sucking down just as much (if not more) gas than they did doesn't help. But, it's the weekend at last.

And, in our weather note, I think CrankyLitProf sums it up nicely for us as well...

Today's gun safety note

For the shooters out there - from today's class at the range.

Yes a .40 S&W round will chamber in a .45 ACP pistol - it will even fire. However, said casing will rupture and fail to extract afterwards, necessitating a manual punch with a rod.

Fortunately for the shooters no one was hurt by this.

Pay attention when loading - sometimes rounds get mixed up folks.

...

Long, rough week already. A really bad arthritis attack going on, which I hope the doc can help with tomorrow. Haven't slept well in several nights for some reason. And the group I'm helping teach at the range this week apparently consumes a full cup of dumbass every night...

On the other hand, in a first today, the elderly metrosexual cat of the house Sebastian wandered in proudly with a caught mouse tonight... not sure where it came from, and he was sure pissed at having to give it up.

Young son is hanging out in the office as I work, and just asked me to put on "The Lord of the Rings" audiobook. Daddy is proud!

Politically correct carols

Email from a Brit friend:

The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

'Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.'


Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

'A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.'


While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

'The union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around he / she must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.'


Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

'The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.'


We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

'Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels' hooves.'


Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

'You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.'

Fun & games

The children have been in full demon-spawn mode the past two days - a chunk of it being full of energy & unable to get outside due to weather lately, the other part just a goal of challenging daddy I suppose...

Kyleigh just added a new trick to her arsenal. THINK she got it from her brother, but hard to say.

Whilst upstairs playing, getting into things she isn't supposed to and all that she reached the point I told her that it was time to go downstairs now thankyouverymuchyounglady! To which she replied "No! Kyleigh night night!" and jumped into her bed with some comically loud fake snoring sounds to prove she was asleep, no really daddy, trust me!

How does my wife survive this every day?

Test post formobile blogging

Just because

It's been way too long since we've had a good sheep joke on here.

So THAT'S what happened!

Out of town

Not that I've been posting tons lately, but going to be out of town for a few days without net access. You all keep an eye on the place for me, k?

Nice toys

Had a good day getting things done around the house and time with the family. Including finding a huge chunk of old trash to throw away or donate... all in all quite productive. Then followed by a nice meal and quiet time with my wife - after this past few weeks we both needed it.

Now we're sitting together watching King Arthur on the big screen plasma TV - still amazes me the difference the HDTV makes in picture, sound and all of that... love my technology toys!

Hope your evening is pleasant as well.

Pursuits

For the second time recently our agency was involved in a pursuit which ended with the offenders dead. Robbery suspects, who were observed committing another, struck one police vehicle & were armed at the time. Can't give more details than that, but that is plenty I would think.

So - debate for all out there - do we continue to allow police pursuits where people die?

Side one would say you already have an idea who these guys are, and find them later - don't risk the lives.

Side two says they have shown they are a danger to society and need to be captured, and they made their own choices.

Discuss, with supporting facts/thoughts...

Legal madness

Two parts of this story have me annoyed & wondering:

#1 - The judge wanted to delay sentencing because he was unsure of the rational of the sentencing guidelines??? Ummm is this his first day in the system or something?

More importantly, #2 - This is the guys SECOND child porn conviction? And he only got 4 years on the first? Something wrong with this.

Sorry, too much research out there shows that pedophiles and the like don't get reformed, it's just an ongoing cycle - so why are we leaving these folks free to offend again & harm other kids?

Market system

OK, when piracy has reached the point of having its own stock exchange, it is seriously time to start reconsidering how the international community is dealing with it...

What's next, will the Mexican kidnapping industry start trading folks like commodities?

Disasters

The rest of the family is out for the afternoon, so I'm catching up on some paperwork plus a few other things while I have the house to myself.

It's a good thing I'm better as a bomb tech than I am wrapping presents. The results are terrifying, even to myself - what is it about putting a roll of wrapping paper in my hands which removes every bit of competence and ability from my hands?

For the bibliophiles out there

A collection of customer encounters from a used & rare bookshop:

We are doomed! These are actual conversations with people, who in theory, should know better. Keep in mind, these people drive cars, vote and might even have jobs.

(phone call)

Do you buy books?

Yes. What do you have?

Reading books.

Reading books?

Yea. Books you read.

Ok. But I am not sure what it is you have.

I just said. Reading books. Do you buy them?

No. Thanks for calling.

(phone call)

I found a book "---" on your web site. It was written by my Uncle. I was wondering why it is so expensive? ($50)

It was inscribed and signed by him.

Why should I have to pay for his autograph? He's my Uncle, not yours!

(sigh... and no, she didn't buy it)

Click the link for the full list and more laughs...

Early morning

So the littlest one went and woke up at 6am today - she's getting used to a big-girl bed, so now is free roaming & requires that early adult supervision to avoid destroying the house. We snuggled up on the couch and made it through an episode of Firefly before Mommy got up for the day.

Then after my wife got dressed my brilliant son looks at her and said "Hey, that's the spaceship on Firefly!" as he looked at her shirt.

Guess it's going to be another shiny day!

Smiles

Tail end of a long, crappy day (as in, folks are lucky I couldn't say "I don't care if we're in the middle of space, get off my gorram starship RIGHT NOW")...

Then I walk in a home with two laughing children thrilled daddy made it back before bedtime, and a wife who made homemade cookies for all of us.

Can't end the day much better than that.

Funny/truthful email of the day

Source unknown but listed as a Vegas newspaper:

To the editor:

I don't understand why the White House is so upset about the two party crashers at Barack Obama's steak dinner the other night.

Is it really appropriate and politically correct to call them party crashers just because they trespassed on Mr. Obama? Does that make them criminals? Isn't that discrimination? Shouldn't they be rewarded for such bold and brave behavior? Maybe they were just trying to feed their family?

I would suggest that it's more appropriate to call them "undocumented guests."
Just because they weren't officially invited doesn't mean they should be treated like criminals. Maybe they should get free health care, free housing, free legal services and free White House green cards so next time they can enter legally. And they should be able to bring all of their relatives and family members, too.

How can Mr. Obama be mad at them just because they crossed over some arbitrary man-made border? They were there only to do the things that regularly invited guests didn't want to do. (Like hang out with Joe Biden.)

How can the White House punish these poor oppressed undocumented visitors?

Brian K. Shoemake

Shiny

I'm cool because I got my wife two nifty Serenity shirts today, along with a "Come to the dark side, we have chocolate" companion piece.

She's cooler because they're shirts she asked for, I didn't pick them out for her :D

It's fun living in a Browncoat house.