Someone's funny

Sent to me in an email, not sure the original source.

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. (Can someone tell me what this is like? Seriously, not so sure!)

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

There is a great need for sarcasm font. (Definitely installing this one as soon as released!)

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (The modern version of the deployment box from my service days...)

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my @$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. (Yes, yes we do!)

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewellers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Size matters

Picked up the new ride today, along with all the other paperwork and catching up I have going on.

Dang the thing is huge! I'll just say that the two Crown Victoria cop cars pulling up next to me at the light seemed a bit ummmmm uneasy I guess is the word :D

Now I just have to sort out how I want to store everything in it. Plus of course see what my partner has to say about his part of the truck.

Home

14 hour drive following an early day & work - got in at 0330 and up at 0930 - so a bit tired. Getting everything ready for the rest of the family to be home in a few hours. Updates to follow, but I am home!

Light posting

Probably won't have anything more up for a few - #1 I'm trying to wrap everything up on my trip & #2 I feel one of my moods lurking...

I go through my "dark times" as it were - periods of funk, I won't call them manic-depressive, but I definitely get my moods. One of those is showing up now. Can't tell what causes them, or what helps make them better - they just come and go as they please. Fortunately I am blessed with a partner who, if she may not understand them, at least accepts them and gives me my space when needed.

Anyway - yep, I'm feeling morose and melancholy and all sorts of other introspective things right now. I'll make it through. Just letting folks know why I may be quiet for a couple of days.

Musical interlude

The benefits of a high-risk job

Decades and paths

Went on a nice, long hike in the mountains today to help clear my head as well as to stretch my body. It definitely helped with both. Too much time this past two weeks stuck around other people, with no room for my own thoughts and for my soul to clear.

Yes, I can tolerate people when I need. I can blend with the crowd, enjoy conversation and social time with like-minded folk, and make do with quiet moments here and there. There are even cities I cherish, able to wander for hours enjoying the sights and the people around me – places like Hong Kong, Sevilla, Santa Fe and Jerusalem all come to mind.

But my soul needs time away – whether for a few hours or days, I must have time without the thoughts of others crowding me, without the noise of their words or the pressure of their presence. At times I have found this peace on the beach or ocean, quietly in a park, or even sitting with a book in a silent corner. The mountains will always be a special place though, the home of both my peoples resonating in my blood throughout the years. Whether it be the hills of the Appalachians, the Japanese Alps, or my beloved Rockies something about a little bit of altitude and wilderness always seems to help.

Today while I was hiking I got to thinking, as I always do. Finishing this time away from home I was pondering the directions life has taken me.

I don’t believe in some grand, over-arching destiny to life and what happens – that everything is pre-ordained and we are simply pieces moving about some gameboard put into play by our Creator. I do however believe that we do have paths which are put before us – we just have to choose whether or not to walk them. Not just one path per person, but choices along the way; and that for some reason when we make the right choices in accordance with these paths somehow things seem to happen for the better – and when we fight them is when we encounter more difficulties. So yes, I believe in my free will but I also know that too many times things seem to have happened for a reason, even if I don’t recognize it at the time.

For my life so many of these choices and changes seem to happen right around the decades of my life. This is when it seems that I somehow end up on a path different than the one I had originally conceived, but which when I recognize it is so much the better.

When I was twenty my life was starting on one path, leading me down years of service in the military and giving me a chance to find myself and learn the disciplines I would need to proceed. At the time it seemed this would be my life and career, and everything went down that path.

But even when the path through the woods is wide and clear we come to forks – choices we must make on which way to go. Sometimes the choice is simple and obvious, and at others you find yourself wandering seeking the path even if you don’t realize you took the wrong turn. This happened to me a bit over a decade later, when I suddenly found myself adrift, unhappy with the course I was following and the goals I was seeking. It took input from my brilliant wife, and time alone in my head to realize that the moment had come for a change – for one reason or another, this was no longer the path I should be on. Sure, I could have stuck it out a few more years, waited around for the retirement check and all the other things; but I would have been unhappy and more importantly stagnant – two things I cannot stand and refused to do for something as simple as money. It took a few more years to finish my tour, but I changed – moving from the military to law enforcement at a time most others are already settled in a career.

Once again a path lay before me, moving to a new place and career, and growing in what I had chosen. I found something I had an affinity for – a combination of the things I liked doing and the skills I brought from my prior life seemed to make the job easier for me than some others, and I spent my first few years learning and growing as a cop. A while back though I started to feel that restlessness again; I still loved being a cop but I needed to find something new to challenge myself. It was time to start looking at my options inside the department, deciding on the next step I needed for my career and my personal growth, and finding out where I was supposed to be.

As I was considering these options, trying to find in my head what felt right inside and what path I was ready to walk – when yet again the right opportunity presented itself. It had been a long time since I’d done any bomb work, but the chance to join our team here arose and I was approached by several of the members to see if I was interested. At first it was part time, just a collateral duty with the regular work I did. Then one night I got the call letting me know that I was chosen to move to the full-time position, with new responsibilities and opportunities that came with it.

Since this path has presented itself it seems many other things have fallen into place, both at work and in my private life. I certainly can’t take credit for everything, or say that the switch was some magical event in doing so – but I do view it as yet another example of when you pay attention to the signs which are put in front of you, and chose the right path, things tend to work better.

Where the next decade takes me, and what choice it is that flows from there I can’t even guess. But until then I hope I can continue to recognize the path when it is in front of me.