“May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.”

"This report is maybe 12-years-old. Parliament buried it, and it stayed buried till River dug it up. This is what they feared she knew. And they were right to fear because there's a whole universe of folk who are gonna know it, too. They're gonna see it. Somebody has to speak for these people. You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything I know this, they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, 10, they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people . . . better. And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to misbehave." ~ Captain Malcom Reynolds

Monday, June 21, 2010


Between Saturday night's DUI hunt and a bit of free time this afternoon, I got to help teach a few drivers some lessons I thought I'd share with the interwebz as well.

- Yes, we really do check on those stickers when they look like crap after you took them off your other car & taped them on this one... so don't act so shocked when I stop you for it.

When you're blowing past every car like it's standing still, and then leave a block-long scorch mark at the stoplight, again don't be so surprised you got my attention for a bit of a conversation.

- No, the whole "tears-and-my-parents-are-going-to-kill-me" routine won't get you out of a ticket when your license expired six months ago.

- These wonderful inventions called mobile computers let me double check the story on your driver's license, registration, insurance and all those other little things... and when I catch you in a bold faced lie don't blame me as you wave goodbye to the loaded tow truck.

- When it takes you a block to stop, you pull into a dark lot behind a building, and you pop out of your car in the middle of the night you're going to see the other end of my pistol and hear some very loud, aggressive and clear commands. Complying with them immediately will improve my mood; not making a series of dumb mistakes like that in the first place would be even better.

and, finally,

- Even if you were speeding enough for me to normally write you, when everyone else in the car is drunk, and you are demonstrably sober, and absolutely polite explaining you were just trying to get them home safely and hadn't had anything as the designated driver, you will get a smile and a thank you as I let you go.


Gothelittle Rose said...

What do you prefer people do when their information is in their glove compartment? I've been pulled over for an expired registration sticker before (my reg was up to date, just didn't have the new sticker on) and I just reach over and pop the compartment open before the policeman gets out of his car. But I always wonder if he thinks I'm going for a gun. How do I signal that I'm not?

Captain Tightpants said...

For me at least if you turn your interior light on and keep it open I'm usually ok since I'm watching you from the moment I light the car up. When I'm up at the car & I see people reaching for the glove box I ask them if there's anything in there I need to know about. Again, most of us know that's where you keep your paperwork - I do the same. Plus, the ones who are being squirrelly usually "look" like it so I can pick it up from body language and be prepared.

Gothelittle Rose said...

"Is there anything in the glove box I should know about?" Embarrassment city, I always keep a couple of spare maxi pads in there. :) I would be the one with the bad habit of feeling like you needed to know.

I'm the over-explainer. I got it from my grandmother, and we refer to the trait as "going down the yellow brick road" after the oddly calm way that the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz responds to the terrifying Wizard.

Thanks for the tips, I'll remember them!

Captain Tightpants said...

LOL don't worry that's far from bad!

What I mean by the question is weapons, drugs etc...

What I have encountered has at times been far more interesting. Just one example, you'd be surprised at the number of males who apparently drive around with sex toys in the glove box. One of those things I don't ask more about...

Lady Tragic said...

Can you bring this kind of wonderful to my city? Plsthxbai. Seriously though, some of our officers are just so tired of the daily nonsense here, I'm surprised they even try any more, it's gotta be hard to still give a crap after days, years of nobody else giving a damn.. *Personal Disclaimer: My FiL is a retired cop :-)

Daddy Hawk said...

Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you. Have a good day officer. Words to live and avoid a beat down by.

Angela said...

Hee! You're one of my favs for the last bit! I got let go once because I was driving my very drunk (underage) sister home... even though there was open liquor in her bag (she was passed out and not like I was drinking it!). I however wasn't speeding I was just lost!


Anonymous said...

Bwahahaha! Love this post:)

Mulligan said...

I've twice been involved with LEO's that deemed it necessary to harass a designated driver. Once as a driver and once as a passenger.

Strangely enough both times the car was not even moving and yet they deemed it necessary to get everyone out of the vehicle and root around until they could come up with something to write on a ticket. Once a seatbelt violation (in a car not moving) and once an 'appearance of public intox' for carrying a plastic cup full of tobacco spit thru a parking lot.

please move to my town