“May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.”

"This report is maybe 12-years-old. Parliament buried it, and it stayed buried till River dug it up. This is what they feared she knew. And they were right to fear because there's a whole universe of folk who are gonna know it, too. They're gonna see it. Somebody has to speak for these people. You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything I know this, they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, 10, they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people . . . better. And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to misbehave." ~ Captain Malcom Reynolds

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Secret Manual

Apparently my mom & Sarah's parents got it from the same publisher:

That chapter wasn’t included when my parents’ edition was published. Instead, their version of chapter five was called If I Count All the Way to Three, You’re Getting an Ass Whoopin’. Apparently, the limited-edition run that my parents received also included full-color diagrams that illustrated exactly what part of the body to spank, how hard, and how often. Mom and Dad perfected the fine art of the ass whoopin’ long before I was old enough for school; the fact that I’m the oldest demonstrates their ability to very rapidly learn new concepts.

Other chapters that my parents’ edition contained:

No, You Don’t Need a Freakin’ [Current, Hot Item]

I Don’t Care That You Bought That with Your Own Money: You Are Not Going Out Dressed Like a Prostitute

You Can’t Be Anything You Want to Be When You Grow Up: Understanding Limitations Based on Individual Personalities and Strengths (You Need Advanced Math Skills to Be an Astronaut, Kiddo)

Scream All You Want, But I’m Not Buying Ice Cream: “No” Means “No”

Go read the whole thing for a good morning laugh from those of us old enough to recall...


Angela said...

LOL!! thanks for that link! I think my Mom had one of those manual's as well!!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for linking to our humble lil' blog. :)

And yeah...I'm pretty sure that a lot of Moms and Dads had that manual. I've been told that, when your grown child becomes a parent, you're supposed to pass on the manual in a top-secret ceremony. True? Not true? Classified intel? :)