“May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.”

"This report is maybe 12-years-old. Parliament buried it, and it stayed buried till River dug it up. This is what they feared she knew. And they were right to fear because there's a whole universe of folk who are gonna know it, too. They're gonna see it. Somebody has to speak for these people. You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything I know this, they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, 10, they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people . . . better. And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to misbehave." ~ Captain Malcom Reynolds

Monday, June 16, 2008


On the tail end of all my stuff I got the word today that a coworker committed suicide... looks like due to relationship issues.

Suicide is one thing I have never comprehended. I am not in any way judging him, I am just saying.

As you may have gathered the past month was relatively rough on me - both personally and in relationship with my wife (and not blaming either side, just things we both have to sort out). But I have never for a heartbeat, no matter how dark things got considered ending things on my own. I would die for my children or my wife in a heartbeat if need be, no matter how dark things get - but no matter what, I can't see myself taking my own life for them. I don't know if that is a double standard or a higher sense, I just am saying how I feel.

But I cannot judge what has happened - I have my outlook but I try to leave others theirs.

I just wish he could have found another way, another option that left him hope instead of feeling all was lost.

John, may you rest in peace and I hope that somewhere your soul finds rest.


Anonymous said...

Wow Sean, How horrible! I have never understood suicide myself, especially killing yourself for another person or because of. I find suicide quite cowardly and selfish. BUT, I like you try not to judge others for their choices. Through my studies I've been told that the want to commit suicide is largely due to a severe chemical depression that actually needs medical intervention. Men don't always seek help when they should due to being stigmatized or thinking it's not manly to ask for help.

None the less, it's sad what happened.

Have a great night!
Dori's friend, Gina

Captain Tightpants said...

Thank you Gina, I appreciate it.

Having been around far too many suicides, both personally and professionally, I've realized it is one of those choices that is almost impossible to really explain particularly in Western culture. You can look at chemical balances, support systems, or whatever - it honestly seems to just boil down to some people can choose that option and others would never take the step... so I try not to judge. I just feel bad that this is what his children have to live with now.