Superpowers

So apparently, sometime in recent history (maybe it's the new medications), I have developed a wonderful new superpower. You see, I am actually TWO different people now.

Yes, that's right - I can do something, and a mere moment later the person involved thinks I am someone COMPLETELY different! Talk about a great skill, that I plan to use to full advantage!

I found out about this new ability quite by accident.

We had a call the other night in the early morning hours for a possible break-in; which our dispatchers quickly updated to what sounded like a domestic dispute, given the comments they could clearly discern over the phone. So, I show up with a couple of the other guys, and we find Contestant #1 in the front yard, staggering, yelling, and otherwise annoyed with the world... He quickly explains to us that it was just him thinking he could ride his bicycle in the back yard real quick (at 0-dark-30 mind you), and it fell in a hole making noise that woke his wife up. But everything was fine, and we needed to leave.

Well - I don't know how other states are - but in Virginia we are mandated to investigate any possible domestic. It doesn't mean we have to arrest someone, but I at least have to do my job and make sure everyone is ok, see what really happened & at least do a report. Hey, I don't make the rules, I just work with them!

But our intrepid intoxicatee is adamant that no, he doesn't want to talk with us anymore; and that no, we aren't going in to the house to talk with his wife. This pretty rapidly passes my level of "willing to listen to crap" and I go ahead and explain his options, and when he declines to cooperate I put the cuffs on him.

A short couple of minutes later we determine that no, there wasn't a domestic issue requiring further action - but he still is going to take the ride for public intoxication. You hang out outside, too drunk to think straight, and you get us to have to deal with you then yes, you get to take the ride... Of course, the whole time this is going on he is cursing and talking all the normal stuff that happens in these situations.

"But wait," you say "where's the whole superpower thing Sean?"

Don't worry, I'm almost there.

You see, a good portion of his big talk is directed at me specifically - I'm an asshole, I must be a rookie for arresting him, he can't believe I'm doing this at his own house, etc. Nothing I haven't heard before. He's still talking the full collection as I leave him with one of the guys while I go bring my car up for our ride.

A mere 30 seconds later I buckle him in the seat and we start towards the jail. During which, the ENTIRE drive, arrest report and processing, and everything else he is consistently talking to me about "That other asshole cop who arrested him. Oh, you're cool man, I know you're just doing your job but that other guy was messed up."

I mean, seriously - it takes me a couple of minutes to figure it out - he 100% believed I was a completely different person than the one who put the handcuffs on him, told him he was under arrest, searched him and everything else. It's not like I changed clothes, took off some magical ninja disguise or anything like that! I mean hell, I didn't even have a hat on hiding my ugly head! But I think he would have sworn under oath at that point that two different cops did all this - and it's not like I even changed my behavior or anything!

So - obviously that's why I have superpowers! Either that, or that whole alcohol makes people not smart thing again...

But I like the superpower option better!