That chapter wasn’t included when my parents’ edition was published. Instead, their version of chapter five was called If I Count All the Way to Three, You’re Getting an Ass Whoopin’. Apparently, the limited-edition run that my parents received also included full-color diagrams that illustrated exactly what part of the body to spank, how hard, and how often. Mom and Dad perfected the fine art of the ass whoopin’ long before I was old enough for school; the fact that I’m the oldest demonstrates their ability to very rapidly learn new concepts.
Other chapters that my parents’ edition contained:
No, You Don’t Need a Freakin’ [Current, Hot Item]
I Don’t Care That You Bought That with Your Own Money: You Are Not Going Out Dressed Like a Prostitute
You Can’t Be Anything You Want to Be When You Grow Up: Understanding Limitations Based on Individual Personalities and Strengths (You Need Advanced Math Skills to Be an Astronaut, Kiddo)
Scream All You Want, But I’m Not Buying Ice Cream: “No” Means “No”
Go read the whole thing for a good morning laugh from those of us old enough to recall...